Reasons Why Billy Failed in My Beautiful Failure

This isn’t the first time I’ve read a book about suicide (By The Time You Read This, I’ll Be Dead by Julie Anne Peters is my favorite so far). But Beautiful Failure isn’t really just about pain, desperation and suicide. It’s also about how to help those who cannot see the meaning of their lives clearly, and how we, most of the time, fail to help them.

Billy seemed so confident about himself. Granted, he was able to handle his dad very well during his own depressing time, but Billy failed to regard the fact that not everyone has the same story. As he joins the Listeners (a suicide hotline), he was thinking of saving the world by keeping people from their suicidal urges and saving them from themselves. He was even disappointed when he isn’t receiving a call from a Likely (a suicide completer). The thing is, not all depressed people are likely to kill themselves. Sometimes they just need someone to talk to and unload the heavy feeling they have inside.

He wasn’t able to set aside his own emotions. As Billy received the desperate calls from Jenney, he couldn’ help but feel her pain, enter her world and fall in love in the process. He didn’t realize that his personal emotions could jeopardize them both, which happened in the end.

He broke the rules. There were only four rules that he needed to follow: 1. What happens at the Listeners stays at Listeners; 2. It’s not about you; 3. Enter their world; and 4. Always ask. Billy was good at first, but as he fell in love with Jenney over their phone conversations, he forgets all about the rules. He told his friend Gordy about Jenney, he poured his own frustrations at Jenney, and in the process, he forgot that it’s all about Jenney that he even fails to ask her how she was feeling most of the time. 

He tried too hard to save Jenney. It is really frustrating when we cannot do anything about a situation –  when things are out of control and resources are limited. But had Billy guarded his own feelings for Jenney, maybe he wouldn’t try too hard to save her. I am not saying that it’s wrong of Billy to keep her from killing herself, but then, maybe Jenney would somehow reconsider, had Billy listened to her.

The ending was heartbreaking yet compelling. It made me realize how situations could be out of our control and all we have to do is just idly and watch in horror as the tragedy unfolds before us. It’s heartbreaking, but then there are some situations that can be prevented from getting out of hand. In the end, it’s not always about you, but about the others as well.

I remember back in the late 1990’s, we were given all resources that could help teenagers understand themselves better. There was a hotline number called Dial a Friend. It wasn’t like the Listeners, where you could call if you have suicidal urges but it helped a lot when you’re and couldn’t figure out how to deal with things when they get frustrating. I am not sure if it’s still the number though.