It’s been years since you heard him say “I need to be alone, I don’t think I still feel the same way for you” but damn, you remember his exact words up to this day. The recent break-up of a dear friend forced you to look back to the days when you were trying to figure out what went wrong with your relationship, because the way her heart had been broken was uncannily the same that had happened to yours. You’re much better now – stronger and fiercer, and you want to prove your friend that if you made it, she’ll made it too. It took you much longer than you thought, for it wasn’t the only reason for your heartbreak. Your health was deteriorating. It was as if every shred of hope had been pulled out of you, and the last thing you needed in life was a cheating scumbag who had been telling you lies since the beginning of time and turned out to be using you for his comfort. It was a dark time, very dark, and yet you survived.
“So what now? Are we forever like this? Look at yourself. You look awful. You don’t even look like a decent human being. Give yourself some respect and get your shit together. And the next time he sees you, he should say, “wow, siya na ‘yung ex ko” as opposed to “ahh, siya pa rin ‘yung ex ko.” C’mon, we’re not used to being losers, duh!” This was how the conversation went between you and yourself – you were looking at the mirror, and staring back at you was a loser you could barely recognize. You want to bring the go-getter back, the things-should-go-my-way gal filled with hope and also compassion in her heart. You have to save her so you won’t lose yourself completely.
Then you came up with a plan. The dreams you built together, the plans you made for yourself with him in it – work on them. After all, success is the sweetest revenge. Prove him you are better than anyone else, and so much better than the piece of scum he replaced you with. So you wrote another book, made him the worst character in it and sent it to the wild so everyone could read it, including him. You busied yourself by discovering what other amazing things you can do. He used to say joining a support group was a bad idea because you’d just get more depressed so you established one. He used to say he wanted to be able to enter a restaurant without worrying how much he needed to pay, so you went to nice places asking for a table for one. You wrote every thought that lingered in your head and shared it to the world. Who knew where your words could lead you? Your blog got recognized and got paid for reviews. You met people. You made new friends. You wrote more books. Your health got better. You went to places. You started to conquer the world.
And on top of it all, you prayed.
You prayed hard. You thanked God for every opportunity that came your way. You adored Him more for not leaving your side, for finally understanding His great plans for you. And you prayed for your health to be better, so you can continue helping other people. You prayed for more opportunities for growth. You prayed for your friends and family. Every prayer gave you peace of mind, because you finally feel like everything is in their right place and you’re doing something good in your life.
But where was he on the equation? Ahh, he’s gone. You see, you’re no longer thinking of him, and you can’t even remember anymore when was the last time he crossed your mind. The time you had being alone allowed you to rediscover yourself, and you realized the reason for your success wasn’t really your heartbreak. This is you. The real you. The go-getter. The things-should-go-my-way gal. It was a long process of healing, but now you’re whole again and on the process of creating one of the greatest story ever told.
And this, is how I moved on.