Am I ready for this?

It has been a long day today for me. I was at the hospital to meet my neurologist for a follow-up check-up and he finally referred me to surgery so I could start the preparations needed for thymectomy. I posted a picture on my Instagram account, and I was astounded by the response of most of my friends, for they thought I was undergoing surgery right now, as in today.

My doctors have been convincing me for months now to undergo surgery. According to them, since I am still young, there is a huge possibility that thymectomy may not only alleviate my symptoms but they could completely be gone. I was scared at first, as they tell me that this is a major operation, in addition to all the research I did about what happened to people who have undergone the same procedure. Some of them were able to lead a normal life after, but some were, well, I don’t really want to go to that.

But as I  prayed and asked God for His plans for me, I had a fateful meeting with the chief consultant of the neurosciences department in one of the biggest hospitals in the Philippines. She thoroughly explained to me the pros and cons of undergoing surgery and not only she did get me convinced, I also found myself subconsciously counting the days ’til I get the schedule of my operation.

Was I ever scared? Of course. It took me this long to be determined to have myself cut and remove that thing that keeps me from enjoying the limitless possibilities of life. And honestly, as I went to that room where the front door says surgery, I felt a pang of terror. Horrible thoughts came flooding through my head about hospital beds, scissors, knives, and blood, but I know they were not gonna get me anywhere. I mean, if I really want miracles to happen, then I have to take a leap of faith and let them happen to me. I am counting on this as my own personal miracle. To be cured and be a witness to God’s everlasting love for humans.

am i ready for this?


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