I wanted this month to be over and write an entry for August. I wanted to share something uplifting – perhaps a piece of good news or a new milestone. Except that I can’t think of any. I feel so tired and my back pains are killing me, hence the turmeric tea, the pain relief rub on my table, and some lo-fi version of Moonlight Densetsu to calm my senses. Oh and yeah, let me include the fairy LED lights on my mesh grid and the faint glowing lights of my keyboard, mouse, and headphones. My life’s looking bright, ain’t it?
Except that I am not writing anymore… or at least, I am not writing again yet. It’s hard when there’s a lot of things that I need to consider, and especially harder when I think about how my readers would feel about what I wrote. Will they get offended if I didn’t use a politically correct term when I really have no idea it existed, to begin with? Do I have the time to scour Google in the name of political correctness? But maybe I’ll get motivated. I have a cute computer now which a dear friend assembled for me (oh, hello Patrick!) and it can edit videos and allows me to see Jung Yong Hwa’s pores when I watch his Alohwa series on vLive, not that he has visible ones. And yes, it’s pink, and I named her Usagi Jung.
Usagi didn’t happen on a whim. I loaned my old desktop to my brother and he eventually upgraded it and I agreed that I couldn’t take it back anymore. So what do I do now once I surrendered my company-issued laptop? Because yes, I quit my job. Yes, in the middle of a pandemic. No, it’s not that I am not grateful or anything. I will always be thankful for that job because it’s the answer to one of my prayers a long time ago. I love my job and did my best to make it work, but maybe I really didn’t give it all because, in the end, I gave up. I got tired, mentally and emotionally and I wondered maybe if I talked about it sooner maybe I wouldn’t come up with this decision (and why do I sound like I am talking about relationships?).
So yeah, it’s been raining for weeks now, the weather is too gloomy, and I’ve been talking non-stop for days. I need to do handover training through video calls and it’s not easy. The only consolation I have is that Will is fun to talk to. Too bad we’re not going to be workmates since he’s replacing me but I am thankful for the little time we get to spend over the phone. One day when all of this is over, I’ll ask him to eat samgyup with me.
As I take the last sips of now the second cup of my lemon turmeric tea, I feel better. The back pain is still here but nothing that my pain relief rub cannot fix. My boss introduced it to me and I never allowed myself to go without it ever since. And maybe some sleep. Skip Kdrama because I need a good night sleep.
I don’t make lemonades when I get lemons. Sweet life cannot mask the pain. We need healing first. Then add the sweeteners. So I made lemon turmeric tea.