How many months has it been, when he told you that you deserve someone better and you have to part ways? Two months? Four? Five? It’s been a long time really, but it still felt like yesterday because you still couldn’t sleep at night. You still couldn’t bear to listen to love songs, let alone watch romantic films. You’re still thinking of him, ignoring that little voice in the back of your head saying, “do you sincerely believe he thinks of you too?”
I’ve read somewhere (not sure if it’s true but it’s the internet, so) that human emotion only lasts for five minutes. So if you’ve been crying for the same reason for more than five minutes, then it’s no longer real—you are just acting up. How could it be true, though? It still hurt, especially when you remember every memory you had with him. You used to be happy together, but now it’s a different story because you are grieving all by yourself, while he’s out there happy and even celebrating with the one he replaced you with. You’d think of all the things they might be doing together—he must be doing to her the things he used to do with you. He must have told her the things he used to tell you. He must have given her the promises he once promised you. The only consolation you have is that, he might leave her too, just like what he did to you.
You were together for how many years? Two years? Four? Five? You must have celebrated two birthdays together. Or celebrated four Christmases with each other. There’s a lot of memories to look back on, because hey! You celebrated five anniversaries with him. You even went to Disneyland on the third one. Think of all the Sunday lunches you shared together. That one Sunday after church mid-morning when he cooked sinigangin your mom’s kitchen. Or that chocolate cake you baked using his mom’s oven. The drunken Friday nights together with your friends, and the Saturday mornings you woke up beside him wearing the same shirt you wore the night before, or just the blanket wrapped around your waist. The endless selfies in your camera roll. That bland rice porridge he prepared for you when you were sick. Plus, that time you sat by the façade of his office building without him knowing because you wanted to surprise him with the coffee in your hands. You had so many plans together. You envisioned your future with him, and made him part of what you wanted to achieve later in life. Besides, he’s always been part of your life. A big chunk of who you are right now must probably be because of him.
|Oh yes, there’s that rainy Wednesday evening you held hands like this while waiting for a ride home.|
These are a lot of things to be erased from your memory. Sadly, the human brain is not wired like your laptop’s hard drive. There’s no restart or delete. Even restore factory settings. O reformat. Only enter and the next page. Also, shut down—BUT PLEASE KEEP IN MIND THIS SHOULD NEVER BE AN OPTION BECAUSE IT’S NOT OKAY.
Memories are evil. They will haunt you just when you’ve decided to move over and be done with it. They remind you of the things you lost and can never get back. Things that, during heartbreak, is the most painful kind of loss.
Memories. They are the hardest part in the process of acceptance. Don’t worry, though. You’ll be alright, you’d get over this. Just like the rest of us did. You’ll see. ♥