Uh-hmm… it’s 0150 and I can’t seem to sleep. I just finished watching that Kdrama about adulting, the one that I should have finished watching over the weekend had I not chosen to lay on the bed and stare at the ceiling for hours. Come to think of it, is it still a do-nothing day if your mind’s not empty? Probably not. But that has become my way of coping. Especially these days when there’s nowhere to go but the kitchen, the bathroom, and the happy corner in my room. When everything appears to be falling apart and there’s nothing else you can do but to watch idly as things break in front of you, you just stare at nowhere and wonder if life has ever been kind to you at one point. I don’t really need to wonder about that, though. Life has been more than enough kind to me. I still have a job. My family’s intact. I have a place to live. I’ve friends to call when I need help.
Maybe I am just anxious. Another year has gone and it’s the season where I once again ask myself what I have done. Did I accomplish anything? Did I do anything well the past year? Did I learn anything? Did I make something to be proud of? Am I living up to my purpose? Do I even know my purpose? These are questions I dread to face the answer to, but eventually, I have to.
April, you’re halfway through. What am I supposed to do? 😅