In 2021, we’ll slowly pick up the pieces

If there’s one more thing I should have done in 2020, it’s checking out a
nice set of wine glasses from Shopee.

There’s nothing more to be said about 2020. The devastation of the
pandemic has made everyone vulnerable in all life aspects. The year when I
said I’d finally say yes to brand new adventures without hesitation became
the year of brand new routines and accidental isolation. The year when I
said I’d live life to the fullest became the year of trying to get through
the day, every day. It became all about the new normal, clinging on to
divine faith, and working a bit harder for survival. 

I’m done writing about my fears.
I’ve already acknowledged how I felt this year. I want this year-end post
to sound grateful and unresentful. Because despite the many things that
caused me fear and confusion, there are also many things that caused me
courage and understanding. 

Creating memories is something I’m good at. May it be good or bad, there
is always, always something I remember a person with. This year taught me
that memories are always good, and even if something unacceptable happens,
I should always choose to remember the good things. I would never know
until when I’m gonna have the chance to make remarkable memories with the
people that matter to me, thus every moment should count. Besides,
there’s always something good to remember.

#NoGoals2020 went irrelevant not because the chances of accomplishing
bigger goals were slim, but because my own law of survival requires
achieving anything that would make me feel good about myself. I didn’t go
too hard on myself though, I just did the usual things I might have done
had this solitary confinement didn’t happen. I started and kept up with my bullet journal the entire year. I’ve finally released The Shape of My Heart in February under Lifebooks, a story I’ve worked on a few years ago. I got into
Mr. Ricky Lee’s scriptwriting workshop in April, and
established a book club
with my two other friends in May, though still half-baked. Another two
friends visit the house every Sunday since June and we’d read the gospel
and do bible sharing. I also low-key started a
Youtube channel
in August, which I think everybody else has done out of boredom and lack
of better things to do. I self-studied Hangul and now I can read Korean
characters albeit slow and incomprehensively. 

Last year I wanted so bad to delete my social media apps, for they steal a
lot of my time, and make me feel crap when I shouldn’t. Come 2020 and now
I couldn’t imagine what would have happened to me without Facebook,
Twitter, and Instagram. Sure, they kept me from posting positivity and
encouragement. They didn’t allow me to share thoughts that contradict the
greater netizens (unless I want to be bombarded with rude comments). They
kept me informed of the important things, at least. They brought me closer
to my friends. They even allowed me to explore new discoveries. 

Working nine-to-five at the comfort of your home sounds like a real deal –
but I guess it doesn’t agree with me. There, I said it. While I’d be
eternally grateful to still be able to keep my job during this mayhem, I
am tired most of the time. It’s different when you’re a freelancer and a
project requires you to work on it through a specified deadline, versus
the work that requires you to sit in front of your laptop the entire workday. It imposes the need to work more than necessary just to prove
productivity. And trying to work and be productive while the world is in the middle of an ongoing crisis is
quite exhausting. It drains out every ounce of motivation in me. It leaves
me too spent. 

This year also proved that when all else fails, people turn to art. Although, with or without the pandemic, I know I’d still read books and watch Kdramas. This year I finished
reading 15 books, watched 13 Kdramas, and a Jdrama. Oh, and yes, I became an
accidental Kpop fan this year. Not just an ordinary stan, but a fangirl
with CDs from Korea and an official lightstick. Jung Yong Hwa and Oh Sehun
made the days more bearable, especially at times when work from home
set-up became too stressful and tiring. And they even mde me start
working on a new writing project – a fanfic that the more I work on, the
more I want it to become a “real thing” if you know what I mean.