It was only two weeks ago when I realized I don’t own a single pair of black shoes. No, I do not have an imeldific shoe rack (though I’d love to have one) and most of my shoes shout comfort and they’re all laid back. I read somewhere that girls should have at least a pair of black shoes. Maybe I am not a girl. Or maybe, I am not THAT girl.
The kind of shoes I wear has a back story. Myasthenia gravis is a neuromuscular disorder which I was diagnosed with in 2012, and wearing high-heeled shoes would be suicide since you lose your balance and coordination at some point. Flats, ballet shoes and sneakers (I looove Converse) were my ultimate surviving buddies and all of them can be worn with my cute dresses. I’ve been to places wearing comfy shoes, but as much as I’ve learned to love my cute and comfy get-up, circumstances proved that there’s much more I could go to if I’d try to wear ladies shoes.
After my thymectomy, I decided that my body, especially my lungs need to recuperate. I did online jobs to pay for my medicines, otherwise I’d stand in line to get them from charitable and government institutions. But it’s been almost a couple of years since I went under knives and stitches. I figured maybe instead of writing and layouting my blog for my own self-satisfaction, I could contribute my talent to institutions that would pay me for what it was worth. Maybe I had to set aside my flat shoes and give way to black, semi-high heeled shoes and show the world I once again mean business.
And so, that’s what I did. I knew what I had in paper was enough to convince anyone I could do more things than I normally let on. All I had to do was to believe in what I knew, and act like the world is missing a big chunk of itself without me. Talk about confidence. Until I finally raided the department stores for shoes that would still define me, yet a bit different and somewhat…dunno. Edgy? I rummaged my closet and put out my yes-I’m-serious-let’s-get-down-to-business clothes. But I know I shouldn’t give up the things that were once there, the things that bore with me as I took every step to the places I’ve been and back.
I pray these shoes would take me to more places, allow me to fly high and live my dreams. Hello, corporate world! I am so back.